Simply Irresistible
by Crysty
Summary: COMPLETE Some strong language. SeiftisQuifer, either way, same couple. Thoughts and feelings Seifer and Quistis as they encounter that horrible truth people like them, they are meant to love.
1. Chronicle One: She said

_Author's Note:_  Well, I have another story for you, and of course it's a Quiefer, or are they called Seiftis's? =)

I don't own FF8, or any of these characters.  The story is mine.  Part of the plot crosses with the plot of the game, and that part I don't own. 

Simply Irresistible

Chronicle One: She Said

By Crysty

Prologue

Brace yourself for this one.

I am majorly butt crazy in love with Seifer Almasy.

And it's horrible.

The stupid things he does to get himself into trouble.  Last night's temper tantrum over tomato soup was another classic.  The idiotically arrogant things he says.  As if he owned the world.

As if he were simply irresistible.

It'd be so much funnier if I could resist him.

But I couldn't.  I was helpless against him.

It's just something about him.  The small spark of self-consciousness that comes into his eyes before he transforms it into his smirk.  The laughing expression that is in his smile when he thinks no one is looking.

Even though he won't show it, the way he hurts and laments his actions that he took two years ago.

People may believe Seifer Almasy is still the irrepressible jerk that he was before Ultemecia.  But I know better.

Because I know him better than anyone.  It's expected, seeing as I'm his instructor and all.

But even then, I will confess that though I didn't know it then...the way, the reason I know him...it's not purely academic, like I thought.  I didn't know it, but...I was in love with Seifer Almasy, even back then.

Chapter 1: Disappointment

_(two years previous, the SeeD ball)_

So he's failed again.  Doesn't matter.  I'll just whip him into shape and send him out again next time.  Jerk that he is, he won't take me seriously...but...well failing the test is good for him in the long run.

He needed to be taken down a step or two.  His ego was getting out of hand, and I couldn't handle him.  Perhaps failure will put him in his place.

I enter the ballroom in search of my prodigal student.  Squall is somewhere about, but I don't care about him.  Squall is in good shape.  He'd gotten his license, so his ego didn't need quelling.

I find Seifer drinking punch by the gallon.  "It's spiked," I warn.

"Good," he says, throwing back another glass.

"What is your problem, Almasy?  I gave you all you needed to pass the test.  All you had to do was stand there and you'd get your stupid rank.  And instead, you blow it."

"Maybe I just like being with you, Instructor," he smirks, moving away from the table, out towards the balcony.

I grit my teeth.  "You know that's a lie.  Why, Seifer?  Why did you have to blow it?"

Being in the darkness shrouds you from the real world.  You can be anybody you want to be.  You can even be yourself.  Seifer becomes serious now.  "I wanted to make a difference," he says quietly.

I'm not sure if he expects me to understand, and I only vaguely get his message.  I'm not going to give him points for creativity.  "Making a difference and being killed are two different things.  You endangered yourself and others.  You should have a least waited."

"Would you have listened to me?" he says.

His look is earnest, but..._expecting_ disappointment. My answer falls in accordingly, for I don't say a word.  I turn, and leave him.

I feel his disappointed gaze on me as I enter the bright lights of the ballroom.

It shouldn't matter, but it does when he smiles warmly at the brunette that throws herself into his arms in greeting.

I am...thrown.

*.*.*.*

_(a few months later)_

It's one thing to know that one of your proteges disrespects you.  It's another to realize that he always did respect you, until that one moment when you truly really let him down.

Because you didn't believe in him.

Seifer's descent into madness was not his fault.  It wasn't Cid's or Edea's or Ultemecia's.  It was mine.

Because he believed in me, and I didn't believe in him.  He went to find someone who did.  Or said they did.

Someone who claimed that they needed him.

I still berate myself over that.

Now, here we are, face to face with him.  He's got Rinoa in another room, and Squall is playing superhero, slashing away.

All I can see is the pain in Seifer's eyes as he stares at me, not flinching with the hits.

_See how I don't care about you, Quistis?_ His eyes seem to say.  _See how even the physical pain that they deal doesn't even matter?_

I want to cry, and throw myself at his feet, blocking him from more attack.  He's been attacked long enough.

Even now, as he deals his blows, he avoids me, avoids my eyes.  I am the only one who remains standing, while Squall is fighting with the last spark of energy he has left.

Thus far, I have not fought.  I have observed, analyzed, as I always do.  I know why I am standing.  He fears to hit me.  I still have that hold I used to have over him.  That strange pull that made him believe in me.  He wants me to guide him, to compliment him, to tell him that even though he has hurt my friends, he can still come back to me, and win my approval, because I am the one who matters. I am his instructor.

I.  Do.  Not.  I do not save him.  I take my whip out, and deal him with a blow to the face.  The shocked and pained expression is all that I need to stop.   Because my blow has already shut him down.

He falls back in resignation, in pain, and in despair.

We win.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 2: Detachment

_(two years ago)_

He comes back, tail between his legs, and the first thing he asks for?  To have me as his instructor.

You'd think he'd learn.

He comes in the classroom the first day, the same smirk he always had, but...that underlying self-consciousness is gone.

It is replaced by a cool veneer of dormant disappointment...and contempt.  "Instructor."

"Almasy," I address him coolly.  "Take a seat."

My discipline has not changed.  Not for anyone would it change.  I am a straight-laced level A SeeD instructor with an impeccable record.  Ok, not impeccable.  One blemish.  Seifer Almasy.

*.*.*.*

"Almasy, so nice of you to join us," I greet him sarcastically.

We are training on the fields of Trabia in a game of capture the flag with Trabia garden.

"He's only five minutes late, give him a break, Instructor!" Greta, one of his admirers says bitingly.

My cheeks pale to be addressed thus by a student.

Seifer looks harshly at the student.  "You shouldn't speak to the Instructor that way," he says warningly.

He does not offer any excuses to me, but another glance at the rest of the class prevents any more remarks in his defense.

A few hours later, I am shivering, guarding the flag with Kalsey.  Seifer stops by to check on us, and bring us news that they have located the flag and are now orchestrating an attempt on it.

I nod my head.  I hope the game is over soon.  I am getting cold, and I suspect that I will catch cold.

I do not know how he recognizes my distress, as I don't even shiver, but he takes off his trench and tosses it to me, and vanishes back into the forest.

I'm not an idiot.  I put it on.

*.*.*.*

Seifer Almasy is the top of my class.

I cannot believe this.

His attitude is the same as ever, but I cannot shake him.  He remains firmly seated in that top spot, and the cushion he has over the others...

I cannot stand to compliment him.  It's like pulling out teeth.  It pains me to commend his efforts, because he doesn't deserve them.

Good student, but never attends class.  When he does, he comes in late.  Does not participate in class lecture.  And when directly addressed acridly gives the perfect answer.

And so I cannot shake him.

I would address Cid about this, but I have no idea what to say.  He doesn't challenge my authority.  In fact, though he disrespects me, he does not disrespect the class.  It is only towards me that he directs his barbs.

He does not choose to challenge my authority, though I suppose he could.  He does not allow the class to disrespect my role as instructor.

But he is still cold to me.

*.*.*.*

I see him hold doors open for ladies, and I see him offer his hand to Edea when she gets out of the hovercraft.  In the beginning, in the end, an impeccable gentleman.

The dark knight.  He'd always wanted to save people.

He had to know there were rules, though.  I taught him that.

And he obeys the rules now.  To the T.  Except that he will not respect me.

I can see that searing blatant display of impetuous dismissal when he watches me.  It goads me.  I want to hurt him.

I want to hurt him like he's hurting me.

*.*.*.*

I am in the library one day looking for a book on Griffin, a legendary GF whose existence has always been a question.

I hear my name uttered with contempt.  "You know you can always take it up to the headmaster.  She shouldn't be allowed to lord over you the way she does..." an officious voice offers.

I hear Seifer's cool response.  "Instructor Trepe is the best instructor I could ask for.  She knows what she's doing, and she knows how to handle the situation.  I might add, she gives me as much shit as I give her..."

I release the breath I did not know I was holding.  

"But—" the girl starts to retort.

"We have an...agreement of sorts.  We know our places.  Maybe you should learn yours..." he said, voice dripping with contempt.

*.*.*.*

"Seifer, will you please tie this up for me?" Rinoa hands him a blue ribbon as she holds up her hair.

He smiles gently, fondly at her.  That he can be so gentle almost frustrates me.  Why does he save all that angry cool contempt for me?

I watch the exchange with cool detached interest.  "Analyzing again, are we, Quistis?"

I scowl because my observations are being disrupted, but turn to my intruder and smile with cool pleasure.  "Squall."

"You know, Quistis, you could cut him a break.  It took us a while to do it, but we've all kind of moved on."

I nod my head as I see Irvine join the two and engage them in conversation.

"Why do you hate him?"

I look at Squall.  "Hate?"

"You never liked Seifer.  Even back when we were your students together, you gave me the favor."

Hate.  The word was new.  It was true that I had disliked Seifer from the start, and our mutually icy tenuous relations were indicative of great hostility.  But I did not hate Seifer Almasy.

I rejoin Squall with that conclusion.  "I don't hate Seifer," I reply softer than I expect.

"Funny, I think everyone's been given the wrong impression, then, Quistis."

_Badly done_, I could hear his implied reprimanding words, though he didn't say them aloud.

Squall and Seifer are barely on speaking terms now.  That he feels that he's the one that should come to me and reprimand me for my lack of congeniality with him...well that was the pot calling the kettle black.  "Funny," I reply coolly.  "They may say the same for you."

"But they all know I respect him," he replied, and left me alone.

Thinking he just delivered some great punchline that would make me think so much more.  Thinking that I'd be in some emotional turmoil over how I've treated Seifer Almasy.

It doesn't matter if Seifer Almasy hates me for what I have done, or what I am doing to him.

Because I hate myself.

I had let him down, and used his respect, his admiration for me against him.

And because of that, I know it does not matter whether or not I ever respect him; he cannot respect me anymore.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 3: Disinterest

_(three months ago)_

You must think me a dreadful depressing sort, but I am not.  In fact, I am quite happy.  I am loved by those who are dear to me.

"Qusitis, do you still have that red tanktop that you borrowed last Thursday?" Selphie walked into my room in our suite.

We live together, Rin, Selphie, and I.  Our quarters are delightfully yellow.  I would say overtly feminine.  But it is a nice touch of softness.

My roommates keep me sane.  They talk to me, and on occasion, I talk to them.

I have not told them about the feelings, the turmoil and the self-hatred I feel because of Seifer.  Seifer is an untouched topic.  It is as if they already know I cannot speak of him.

Seifer has never been a guest in our suite.  The reason is quite simple.  The girls want to give me a place where I am the freest to express and be myself.

"I washed it yesterday, let me get it," I get up from the couch, put down the magazine quiz "How well do you flirt?" and go to my room.

I open the drawers and reach into the neat organized-by-color stacks and pull out the red tanktop.  "Here you go, Selphie," I turn and hand it over.

"Tomorrow is Seifer's birthday.  We're taking a sailboat out into the sea...you are welcome to come, you know."

I look up at Selphie, and wordlessly grab a windbreaker and toss it to Selphie.  "It gets cold on the water.  You might want to bring this along."

*.*.*.*

I do not care that it is his birthday.  I sit on the beach moodily, and I confess, I do look for their sailboat.

I settle down in the sand to enjoy the comfort of the warm sun, to take in the soft ocean breeze.

Content.  I am so content.  This is the way I wanted my life to be.  Great instructor, loved by friends, respected by all...

...except one person.

Seifer Almasy still possesses that one spot he always had.  The barrier between me and my goal.

I cannot fight him to win though, because I had lost long ago, by my own hand.

But what had he expected me to do?  Turn my back on the book?

His SeeD exam is in another two months.  I look forward to the day.  At least once he is gone, I will not have the daily reminder of what I lost.  At least once he is gone, I will not see him and hurt anymore.

*.*.*.*

"Seifer Almasy, hurt me?  Don't be ridiculous!" I scoff.

Rinoa and Selphie look at me imploringly.  "Why didn't you come sailing with us?"

"I had to grade exams.  _Some of us_ are not free to wander and do as we please," I reply teasingly.

"You know, he asked about you," Rinoa says with a small wry smile.

I feign disinterest, though I wonder at what Seifer Almasy could possibly want to know about me.

"Don't you want to know what he asked?"

I don't say a word.

Selphie smiles.  "Come on Quistis, confess, you have it bad for Seifer, don't you?"

The tease Quistis approach.  Hoping that if they're giggly maybe I'll become open and girlish about this with them.  It's worked in the past.  But not now.  Not ever with Seifer.  I don't want to think about him.  I know I do, almost obsessively at times, but I don't ever...conclude anything.

Because I am afraid.

I smile mysteriously back at them to appease them.  Let them dream.

I know the truth.  It wouldn't matter if I cared or not, because he couldn't care less for me.

*.*.*.*

_(one month ago)_

A sense of deja vu comes over me, the way it always does when I enter the SeeD ballroom.  I walk about, smiling and congratulating my students.

I take the initiative this time, because I know politeness demands this encounter.  I walk to him.

"Congratulations, Almasy."

He's talking with Selphie, and his posture becomes stiff upon hearing my voice.

I knew it.

He's cool and indifferent to me when he turns to me.  "Thank you."

In retaliation to his cold indifference, I strike back.  "I don't pretend that I shall miss you in my classroom.  It's about time," I say coldly.

Again the critical one.  I see Selphie's hopeful expression fall.

_They are hurting each other again_, her expression seems to say.  She does not know that Seifer Almasy cannot be hurt by me anymore.

And that is the way it should be.  As I turn around to walk away, I hear Seifer call after me "Have a nice life, Instructor."

*.*.*.*

Chapter 4: Departure

_(Now)_

I am retiring.

I had thought that the day for retirement was far far away.  I am twenty years old.  I theoretically I have another thirty years for my career.

But I am tired.

I submitted my resignation earlier in the afternoon after classes.  The retirement is to remain a secret tonight.  In fact, I'd prefer it to remain a secret until I am far away, some time tomorrow afternoon.

I can't let him know that he's caused this.

I love him.  I cannot find a moment when I could have fallen for him.  He has offered no sonnets, no romantic musings...no stolen glances.

I enter the cafeteria for what my last dinner I shall have in Balamb Garden.  After grabbing a tray with some mysterious brown substance on it, I walk towards the table where we always sit.

Seifer is the only one there at the moment, and I nod at him in acknowledgement.

Relations between us have become even more tenuous now because of the knowledge that I love him.  I don't want him to know, so I try hard to keep my cold indifference.  "Almasy."

"Instructor."

I quelch the urge to analyze his tone, to search in the textures some evidence of deference.

We sit in silence.

I am awkward.  I have never felt so awkward.  We've been good about avoiding being alone.  This is the first time, I realize.  The first time since our encounter so long ago at that fateful first SeeD ball, where I hurt him and lost his respect.

"Can you pass the salt?" he asks.

"I love you," I blurt out.

I blush.  Did I say it aloud?  I look around me.  No one seems to notice I just had an unusual emotional outburst.  The socially inept Quistis only has to suffer her humiliation privately.  It wouldn't make a difference.  Either way, it hurts.

There is silence at our table.  I do not look at him, and he does not look at me.  I stare at the table.  I turn away as I see Squall storming up to our table.  The interruption is as welcome.  "Quistis, what is this I hear about you _leaving_?"

I should have known that Cid couldn't keep these stupid things to himself.  I should have just left the letter on his desk as I was leaving tomorrow.

I smile quaveringly.  "You know, once Seifer left, all the challenge was gone.  I'm bored.  There are other things out there.  I want to have fun.  Be twenty years old," I say, still not looking at Seifer.

I can only imagine the things going through his mind.

Squall sighed.  "I guess I always kinda expected it...you grew up too soon."

As if he knows me.  He doesn't know that I'm leaving because I'm just a lovesick little girl.  The true meaning of being young.  To be in love, and to be in pain.

Selphie and Irvine enter the conversation as they hear the end of Squall's remark.  "What's going on?"

Rin and Zell arrive as Squall delivers the news.  It's as if the whole cafeteria hears.  "Quistis is retiring."

"...But why?"  Rinoa asks, disappointed.  "Was it something we did?"

"No..." I smile.  _It's what I did to myself_.  "Nothing you did...I really liked living with you guys, and maybe I'll come back and stay with you guys every once in a while...but right now I just want to...you know, travel.  Try out new things."

The conversation at the table is a mixture of the depressing and the excited.  I am smiling so much it hurts.

Finally, I make my parting line and get up to leave.

I make one final glance to Seifer, who has remained speechless this entire time.

He is watching me, assessing me.  Trying to make sense of me.

_You can try, but it's not going to make sense_.  I convey to him.  _The way I love you...it's unexpected.  It's a beautiful delicious pain.  And...it's real, more real than any fantasy that sorceress offered to you._

I can send to him a million words in a split-second gaze.  It makes me wonder...that we may have always somehow understood each other.  Instead, I turn and walk away.

*.*.*.*

I know, you, reader, expect that he may just sweep into my room late at night, make love to me passionately and desperately, and plead me to stay.

I almost hope for it to be so myself.

But it's time to move on for me.  It's time to move on from this feeling.

I don't regret letting him know my feelings, though I did not expect to.  In fact, it is relieving.  It almost promises that I shall be able to move on and forget him.

I pack my items.

My train leaves from Balamb at three.

Where it goes?  I don't know.  When I purchased the ticket, I couldn't have cared less.

I only know it will be far away from him...somewhere where I can rebuild myself.  Find someone new to love.

I can love.  If there is one thing I am thankful to Seifer for, it is that he made me love him.

I had not known that I could feel so deeply for anyone.

And while I can love, there is always hope.

*.*.*.*

I knew it would be awkward if they knew I was leaving.

They all take me to the train station.

Except Seifer.

We are standing at the platform, and my friends are sad.  I am the first to leave Balamb, but don't they know they'll leave eventually too?  The scars of Ultimecia took a while to heal, and we were together for that.

But that time is over.  Our future is now.

My future is now.

As my train is called, I turn back to smile once more at my friends.  "Call me back for the wedding," I wink to Squall and Rinoa.

*.*.*.*

To be continued...


	2. Chronicle Two: Change of Perspective

Thank you for your kind comments!  I am really excited about getting this story on the road! =)

Again, I don't own the characters (except Cedric).  They belong to Squaresoft.

Simply Irresistible

Chronicle Two: Change of Perspective

By Crysty

Chapter 1: Remembrance (He said)

_I love you_.

The words haunt me even now.  I don't understand her at all.

It's been a year and half since I've seen her.

I left soon after she did.  No reason to stick around.  It was boring, and there was nothing to do now that I'd already gotten the SeeD rank.

So I left.

We all did, in a way.  Squall and Rinoa are the only ones there now.

"Almasy!"

I look up at the General.  "Yes?"

"Have you heard a word I've said?"

"Yes; you want me to take these papers and deliver them to General Hartwig."

"Then get to it."

I salute and walk away.

One year in the Esthar navy.

Child's play when compared to the hoops I've had to jump through for SeeD.  For Her.

I go down below deck.

We are pulling into Balamb in a month.  I got the invitation in the mail a week ago.  I haven't replied yet because of the note that came attached to the invitation.

It's like they don't give up.

_Seifer_,__

_I know it's been a while, but do you think you could entertain Quistis while you're around?  She's coming on vacation, and we want to make sure she has a really really good time.  I'd appreciate it ever so much if you could make sure she's comfortable?_

_You know her better than any of us._

_Rin_

That's a lie, and she knows it.

I know nothing about Quistis Trepe.

A cool cat with an attitude and...the most unexpected claws.

Her scratches are deep.

And they think I want to "take care" of her?

_I love you_.  What the hell did she mean by that?  Quistis Trepe loves no one.

An ice cold bitch does not love.

I knock on the cabin door.

"Come in."

"Sir, I bring a communication from General McEnnis above deck."

*.*.*.*

_You know her better than any of us_.

Unable to sleep, I stare at the top of the bunk.  Frump is already snoring like a baby.

_You know her better than any of us._

I don't know her.  I don't know her.

_I love you_.

Three words casually uttered over the dinner table before interruption.

I don't know what would have happened if Squall had not interrupted.  I only remember being extremely uncomfortable.  What does one say to that?

I'd dealt with other confessions of undying love before.  Just not from her.

Quistis Trepe had always been a source of so much...annoyance.  Never quiet enough to vanish into the background of my mind, and yet not pleasing enough to keep around in the foreground.

I didn't love her.  The thought of loving such...coldness sent shivers through my system.

There was a time when I thought her something else.  The best damn perfect woman in the world.  Always wanting her smile.  Always wanting to see that nod of approval.  That glint of pleasure in her eyes.

That didn't last long.  It couldn't, when I realized that she considered me with as little deference as she gave a fly buzzing by her ear.

Always wanting to swat me down.

She succeeded.

It was just want she wanted, right?  The great Seifer Almasy, crushed before her.

With humility, I awaited my verdict...to find that she'd already delivered me to failure.

She never would understand me.

And one day before she finally leaves me, she comes to me with those three stupid words, "I love you."

Was she crazy?  What the hell was going on?

It was no joke.  I saw it in her eyes as she left.  She loved me.

Quistis Trepe loved Seifer Almasy.

Do you think I triumphed?  I suppose I could have.  I sure deserved to.  You can only put up with so much shit for so long.  And to know that her emotions and impulses were at my whim...that was powerful knowledge.

But I didn't know what to do.  I just...let it go.  Thank Hyne she left the next day.  Otherwise, I would not have had a clue as to what to do with her.  What does one do with someone so intimately connected with the past that he's trying to forget?

*.*.*.*

Chapter 2: Request (She said)

"Mayor Trepe?"

I look up from the emissions reduction bill I am examining to my secretary.

"A Squall Leonheart is here to see you."

Confused, I stand up, and straighten my sky blue suit.  "Send him in."

I come around the desk and smile as I am taken into the arms of my old friend.  "What in the world are you doing here?"

"Rinoa wanted to get a few things from Dollet so I wanted to stop by...I hope you aren't too busy."

I smile.  "Never too busy for a good old friend.  Come on, sit down," I guide him to the two chairs in front of my desk.  "How have you been?  How is that you haven't come to visit?"

"Could say the same for you...but I see you've been busy," he looks around the furnished office.  "Mayor, huh?"

"Yeah..."

We both look out at the skyline of the growing city.  I wonder what he sees when he looks at it.  To me...there is promise.  I can see myself growing fonder of the city every day.  One day...it will feel like home to me.

"I got the invitation a week ago..." I say softly, trying at conversation, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, it's...about time..." Squall settles back in his seat, relaxed.

I laugh.  "Yeah...I'll agree to that one."  I am about to ask him about more arrangements when he interjects.

"Speaking of the wedding..." he shifts uncomfortably.

I tilt my head.  He's got that look about him.  Being a politician, I can spot it a mile away.  He wants something.  "Yes?" I ask smoothly.

"Well...Rin and I were hoping that...maybe you'd be able to..."

"Yes?" I prompt.  What could possibly make him feel so uncomfortable?

"Look..." Squall says.  He takes a deep breath and says it quickly.  "Seifer is coming to the wedding and I want you there to keep things...cool between us."

I let the words sink in.  "Seifer?  Squall, I've had a really really hectic life this past year and half.  I am going back to your wedding not only as a guest, but also as a refugee. I want and need some time to relax.  Babysitting Seifer...I mean, he's your friend."

"He's Rinoa's friend.  If you remember correctly, I never got along with him."

"Selphie can..."

"Selphie's tied up at Trabia until like an hour before the wedding."

"And Ir—"

"Irvine is with Selphie, and before you ask, Zell has to attend some conference in Galbadia on behalf of Balamb.  That leaves you.  I mean you just have to entertain him for a weekend and make sure he and I don't cross swords.  Not too difficult."

Not too difficult?  It was hard enough when I thought about going back...when there was the possibility of running into him again. Knowing that such an encounter was going to be _arranged_ did not appeal.

I am starting my new life now.  I don't need to..._can't_ encounter my past yet.  I am not ready.  If I see him again...

...would he still affect me?

If he doesn't...

The thought tugs at me.  If I truly have moved on from him...from this old past...I should be ready.

_Believe in yourself, Quistis Trepe.  This is your chance to show how him and yourself that you've grown up.  Left behind those juvenile hopes._  I turn to Squall, and slowly nod.  "Fine.  But know that I am doing this most unwillingly."

*.*.*.*

Chapter 3: Return (He said)

I get off the train and I confess I am shocked to find _her_ standing by a hovercraft.

In a white tanktop and fitting dark jeans and cowboy hat, leaning against the hovercraft with an air of laziness.

I have never seen anything more foreign nor exotically sexy in my life.

"I didn't know that mayors also did limousine duties," I say to her with an air of dismissal.  She doesn't appear to be shaken by my presence, so I reciprocate.

"Just keeping it real," she drawls back.  She slides over the door of her convertible hovercraft, and into the leather driver's seat.  "Throw your stuff into the back.  Squall and Rin are waiting."

*.*.*.*

She's conversational on the drive back.

We have an unspoken agreement not to discuss the past.  We are casual acquaintances with mutual friends.

"Squall says you joined the Esthar Navy."

"Yeah...about a year ago."

"How's life on the waves?"

"Surreal."

She turns to me, eyebrow raised.

Her eyes are masked by sunglasses, so I cannot read her expression.  The strange, unfamiliar smile she has on her face convinces me that she is somehow enjoying this.

A diplomat.  No wonder she's good at her job.  "No other way to describe it, Miss Mayor.  How's the office?"

"Lots of paperwork, but interesting all the same."

"Never picked you out as a pencil pusher."

"One of the drags of the job.  But the rest makes up for it."

"Admirable," I say, putting the seat in recline.  "Nice craft, yours?" I ask.

She laughs, and I am amazed to feel a punch in my gut at the sound.  It's never been so full and relaxed before.  "Nah, a baby like this is an investment.  It's Irvine's.  Just borrowing."

I remain silent as I let the unsettling feeling in my stomach relax away.  She acknowledges the silence pleasantly.

*.*.*.*

I cannot say I enjoy being in her company.  We do not share any jokes.  We are two strangers, and the feeling of being so distant with someone who knows me so intimately is odd.

That she can pretend almost upsets me.  I will not be outdone, though, so I continue to exchange barbs with her, pleasantry for pleasantry.  We keep our contempt for each other nonvocal.

It is just as obvious.

I can see the contempt she holds for me and my lifestyle.  _Itinerancy suits you, _her gaze seems to say as she considers my worn jeans, and T-shirt, and unshaven face.

Judging again.

_I could say the same for you_.  Generously leering at her breasts, throwing her off and making her shift uncomfortably to block my view of her cleavage.  _Tell me do you dress this way on the job?_

She scowls, and turns away.

"The rest of us will be arriving tomorrow," she says casually.

"Good.  I haven't talked to them in a while," I reply.

When we pull up the Garden, we both jump out of the car.  "You ought to get settled," she says.

"...as you wish..." I reply sarcastically.

She lowers her sunglasses, showing that full cutting lightning violet glare as she turns and sways away.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 4: Repulsion (She said)

I was out of my mind when I agreed to do this.

He's unpleasant to be around.

I will say that there is one good outcome, though; I do not love Seifer Almasy anymore.

He is the same as he ever was.

I have changed.

And I like it this way.  Walking around the Quad, I almost expect to see Selphie pop out and ask me to join her on festival committee.  I sit down on a step and take in the surroundings.

"So how was it?"

I turn to Squall, who sits down next to me.  "You and Rin owe me."

"Not too bad, I hope."

_No, we exchanged pleasantries before he deigned to imply that I was some kind of political whore._  I keep the statement to myself.  "Not bad at all.  Compared to giving a T-rex a root canal."

Squall hisses through his teeth but once more tries to be pleasant.  "I saw you as you pulled in.  You seemed to get along."

"Whatever."

He sees that he's not getting anywhere with me, and he quickly escapes before it occurs to me that I can tell him that he can take his stupid request and shove it.

He enters the Quad now.

It's as if there's this extra little charge of energy whenever He's around.  It sends a shock through me, and I am compelled to turn towards Him.  I have the advantage as He doesn't seem to see me.  I see Him smile to the brunette on His arm.

Rinoa always wins.  Rinoa wants Squall to help her with her father, and so Squall jumps.  Rinoa wants Seifer at the wedding, so Quistis has to babysit him.  I don't hate Rinoa, but I hate people like her.  Why do they always have everything they want?

I stand up and make my way to exit.

"Quistis!"

I turn around, pasting my smile on.  "Yes?"

"Thank you so much for bringing Seifer in from the dock.  I wanted to go, but I had some problem with the caterer."

"It was no problem.  It was pleasant.  Surreal," I smile wryly to him and walk away.

*.*.*.*

As I walk out to the hovercraft, I contemplate his presence.

It is evident that whatever exists between Rin and him is really...there.  Otherwise, he wouldn't be here.  It's understandable, I suppose, that Squall may feel threatened by this closeness that they share.

And here I am, the buffer.

What a stupid situation to be in.

My comlink blips.  "Yes?"

"Mayor?"

"Yes, is there a problem?"

"No, not really, it's just that President Halliwell has been calling, and asking for you.  I didn't know what to say..."

"Tell him the truth," I say, without qualms.  What else should she tell him?  "I'm on vacation.  No contact.  Not even for him."

"Um...ok.  Should I give him your number?"

"No.  I need this time to myself."

*.*.*.*

I drive into the town for dinner.

Sitting alone in the hotel restaurant I take in my surroundings.  I order a beer and settle myself into a nice feeling of self-indulgence.

A throat clears beside me.

I scowl as my gaze falls on him.  "Yes?" I ask pleasantly.

"Rin sent me out looking for you.  She was worried."

I nod.  "Well sit down.  Least I can do is treat you to dinner, though your concern was unnecessary."

"I figured as much..." he mutters softly.

The waiter comes by and Seifer orders.  Settling back with a beer that the waiter brings him, he eyes me over the mug of frothy brew.  "To your health," he says.

"To yours..." I reply in kind.

In reality it is more of an exchange of "Up yours"s.  We sit through dinner in strained silence.  This time, when he asks for the salt, I pass it to him wordlessly.

Gone is that nervous fidgety teenager in love with Seifer Almasy.  In her place, the cool and mature Quistis Trepe returns his actions, trite remark for trite remark, cold glance for cold glance.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 5: Revelation (He said)

She doesn't love me anymore.

She tells me that in every action she makes.  The cool appraising look she sends me over the dinner table.

When I ask for the salt, I goad her.  I send her a smirk as if expecting her to utter those same words.

She does not.  In fact, her fingers on the fork don't even quiver.

That's when I realize it.

And the strain disappears.

From her.

It starts to tighten in my gut.

*.*.*.*

We drive home in a kind of pleasant silence.  I walk her to her door, and she walks in without turning back.

I look at the closed door and I wonder.  When did she fall out of love with me?

I turn and walk down the hall and towards the gym.  I need to lift.

*.*.*.*

The next day I get up and I can't help but feel glad.  Today is the wedding.  Everyone else will arrive, and provide a nice large buffer between me and good ol' ice bitch.

And I'll be gone this time tomorrow.  Back at sea, where I belong.

I go to the cafeteria for breakfast.  After I grab my food, I see Quistis.  

Something about her in the morning light always did seem to hit me.  The way the sunlight would...just crown her hair...making her look innocent.  She's curled over the newspaper and a cup of coffee.  I decide to join her, for appearance's sake.  'Sides, Rin was around, and she'd scold me for not keeping the brat company.

"Anything new?"

"Gillis refuses negotiations with Trabia and Harverly was caught diddling his secretary..." she says without looking up.

I sip some coffee and blanche.  "Has it gotten worse?" I wonder at the stale-tasting liquid.

"No, probably your taste has gotten better," she looks up, with sympathy, eyes alive with amusement.

It is a pleasant moment.  We do not exchange contempt and we are smiling like old friends.  "Maybe..." I say lightly.

"Hm..." she says.  The possibilities of a Hm...  "I hear Zell is arriving at noon.  He's suppose to bring Selphie and Irvine," she muses.

"That's good," I say, looking at my watch.  It's still 8:00.  Four hours until we have a safe middle ground.

Until then...it's...talk tag.

"Come on..." she gets up out of her seat.

I look at her.  "What?"

"We're going for a walk.  I'm tired of sitting around and waiting."

We step out of the cafeteria and take a long walk around the garden, visiting old haunts.

We go to her old classroom, and I take my old seat, as she takes hers.  "This brings back memories..." I say lazily.

A flash of recognition comes over her.  It's as if she never thinks about the past anymore.  "I suppose it does..." she replies.

"What do you remember?" I ask.

She remains silent.  "Not much..."

_She doesn't want to remember anything._

"Most of it was just...automatic, I suppose.  I really have no idea what I did or said back then," she blushes.

And I know then that she remembers.

The memory seems to hang between us.

"No, I think that you were always aware of what you said.  You just didn't think anyone was listening," I reply.

What am I doing?

*.*.*.*

Chapter 6: Resonance (She said)

I don't know what's happened, but I can only look into his eyes now, and try to understand why he has decided to bring back the moment.

It is not as awkward as I had I always pictured it.  I am no longer in love with him, so he holds no power over me.  Furthermore, he does not look at me with contempt or any sense of superiority.  Just earnestness.

We sit silently in our old desks.  Me, the instructor.  He, the student.  And we watch each other, waiting for reaction.

I clear my throat and begin in a light flippant tone.  "Are you saying that you listened to me, Almasy?  I find that hard to believe."

He laughs as well.  _Hyne, that laugh!_  "Ok, well maybe some times.  Ok, so probably not that much.  But you'd be surprised at how much I listened, I think."

Now he is teasing me.  I will not give him the satisfaction.  "I'm sure you did."  Because I am uncomfortable in the classroom, I get up and walk towards the door.  "Shall we continue our tour?"

He follows me, and I shut the door behind me, making sure the lights are off.

*.*.*.*

It's 9:30 and we're still looking for ways to pass the time.

"...let's go for a walk along the beach," he suggests.

I agree and follow him out.  We walk to the beach in silence, but it is not uncomfortable.  It is a tired silence, tired with all the possibilities and all the tension.  We are resigned.  We are no longer fighting, but...simply being.

When we reach the beach, I notice a carrier on the horizon.

He sees me looking at it.  "That's the _Maria_.  I sail on her."

"Ah," I reply.  I take off my sandals and walk towards into foamy water, letting the coolness wash between my toes.  I sigh.

"You liked walking along the shore," he says.

I turn to him, surprised.  "Yes, I did."  _How did you know?_  my gaze seems to ask.  I didn't think anyone had noticed me...

"I'd come out here to think, and sometimes I'd see you walking along, cutting through the water with your feet."

I do not know how to reply to this.

On this shore, there is this faint scent of...yesteryear.  And I can't help but feel that old familiar tug.  There is a temptation to slip back into the old contemptuous persona, but I am tired.  I do not want to exchange barbs with him anymore.

I shake my head and smile mysteriously.  "Come on, let's sit for a while," I settle in the sand, inviting him to sit next to me.

Silent in his compliance, he does.

Slowly, I feel myself slip into old memories.  How I anguished on this beach over my feelings for him.

And here I am, sitting next to him, not a whole two years later, in silence that cannot be deemed anything else but _companionable_.  I turn to watch him.  He's looking out onto the horizon.  "What you looking at?" I ask conversationally.

"Nothing much, I guess...the horizon.  The _Maria_."

"When do you ship out?"

"Tomorrow morning.  I'm here on leave, but they had drills while in the area.  I was excused."

"Ah."

"...And you?  When do you leave?"

"Business requires me to be in Deling City tomorrow morning.  I shall leave tonight after the wedding."

"I see."

It's as if he does.  I wish I could tell him of what my business was.  But I'm not ready.  I can't treat all of it, or him, flippantly, or lightly.

We return to watching the horizon silently.

*.*.*.*

"We were going to send out search parties soon!" Rin smiles, amused.

"We were taking a walk along the shore and lost track of time," I reply.  "Selphie, Irvine, so glad to see you again.  Where's Zell?"

"Parking.  It's great to see you again too!" Selphie takes me in her arms.  "Seifer!" she smiles, as she hugs him next.  "Glad to see you!"

"Always a pleasure," he replies, casually.

He meets me eyes over our mutual friends' heads.  _We did it._ His gaze seems to say.

Four hours alone with him.  In pleasantness.  I did it.

Somewhere in the back of mind, I feel...

...that he's forgiven me.

I can forgive myself.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 7: Relations (He said)

Selphie is chatting on and on about the renovations that she and Irvine are in charge of at Trabia.  Her excitement is the same as it always was.

Unlike other things.

I watch Quistis.  She is simply watching with an expression of pure relaxation.

The expression she came close to having this morning as we sat on the shore.

I remember the texture of her light white linen shirt against my arm.  And the way her eyes would mist over when she was thinking of something that distressed her.

That the images are fresh to me strike me as odd, but I shove it aside as I concentrate on the many details that are flying by my head.

*.*.*.*

We are all taking our seats now in the chairs set up in the Quad.

Quistis is sitting across the aisle from me on the groom's side.

I catch her eyes and she gives me a small smile, as if not completely understanding why I would want to look at her.

Why am I looking at her?

Suddenly a dark haired, bright-eyed young man comes down the aisle towards her.  "Qusitis!"

Quistis stands up, and turns to the person who has addressed her.  It is clear that though she is surprised, her reaction is a mixture of pleasure and turmoil. "Cedric!"

It's Cedric Halliwell.  I recognize a face when I see one.  Especially when he's the president of Galbadia.

"I had no idea you were coming," Quistis says wonderingly as he takes her hands.

If she shows any sign of distress I swear, president or not, I will break both his hands.  Quistis hates being touched.

"Well...Rinoa and I go back to our good old school days," he says warmly.

She's not showing any distress, but I see how she expertly withdraws her hands in gesturing to the seat beside her.  "Here, this is the groom's side, but have a seat next to me, Cedric."

*.*.*.*

The wedding is over now and I'm talking with Selphie.  My gaze wanders to Quistis and her friend.  His hand is low at the small of her back, guiding her in that protective way.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

"They must be involved."

I look away from them back at Selphie, who appears to also be looking at the couple.  "I didn't know," she says quietly.  "I'm sorry Seifer..."

What the hell is she talking about?  "Sorry about what?"

She looks at me, as if trying to understand me or see through me.  "Um...I...guess...nevermind."

I shrug as Irvine joins us.  "I never knew," he shrugs.  "Very private person..."

"I'm sure that Galbadia and Dollet enjoy very open communications," I say, turning to leave the conversation.  I'm not interested in it.

I go to ladle myself some more punch.

"It's spiked."

Just like before.  I turn to Quistis, and toasting, I say, "Good," as I throw back the glass.

She awkwardly looks at her high heels, as if she has something to tell me.  She looks up at me.  "Umm...I didn't know..."

"You didn't introduce me," Cedric Halliwell approaches us, a protective arm around her shoulder.  She stiffens, then relaxes.

She still is getting used to the touch.

_It doesn't have to be that way_.  I turn away.  But if she wants to throw herself away on some rich snooty something or other, well that's fine.

"Cedric, this is Seifer.  Seifer's a SeeD alum.  One of the best," she says.

"She's being generous," I congenially offer my hand.  Cedric offers his to me.  "Nice to meet you, President Halliwell."

"Now, we're all friends.  Just call me Cedric," he replies.  "And what do you do, Seifer?"

"I'm a Lieutenant Colonel in the Esthar Navy.  I'm aboard the _Maria_."

"Excellent.  How many years have you served?"

"Just one."

"Lieutenant Colonel in one year?  You're ambitious, then.  I hope to see more of you, perhaps, behind the desk?"

"Nah, pencil-pushing isn't quite my style," I shrug.

He is polite.  He is gentlemanly.  His shoes do not have little specks of dirt.

In my uniform, I still feel as if I cannot measure up to him.

And I do not know why I am even comparing myself to him.  I turn to Quistis.

"Anyhow, I think Cid wanted to catch up on old times.  I'll have to talk to you later, Quistis.  See you, Cedric."

"I am sure you will."

*.*.*.*

Chapter 8: Resolution (She said)

_I'm sure you will?  _What does that mean?__

I should have guessed that Rinoa would invite Cedric.  After all, she has lots of friends.  And some of them would be from her hometown, Deling City.  Cedric is a charming guy.  It figures that they'd be friends.

But now he is here and I can feel the pressure again.

My head aches.  "I need to be excused for a moment," I say to Cedric.

I run away.  I don't care if he notices I won't return.  I don't care if he comes to look for me.

I go to the shore to see that someone's already there.  The moonlight traces the crests of the waves in silver, and outlines the man's form.

Seifer.

He's thrown his tie into the ocean with a grin of triumph.  I cross my arms and watch him a moment, smiling into the sea.

_Pencil-pushing isn't my style_.  I have to agree with him.  I watch him now, and I see now why he's really in the Navy.

It's the same reason why I like walking along the shore.

The sea's a comforting infinity that stretches and embraces you.  You're part of it.  And the crash of the waves fall in time with every breath you make, every beat of your heart.  I take off my sandals, and walk towards him.

"Shouldn't you be entertaining your gentleman friend?" he says bitingly without turning to me.

"He can entertain himself," I reply.  "He's not..."

"It's all right.  You needn't explain," he turns to me.

There is a distant expression of pain coming into his eyes.  I have not seen it since...that night so long ago.  "I do..." I say softly.

We stand in silence.  He slowly takes me in his arms, and turns me towards him.  I do not flinch at his touch, because it feels warm, a warm embrace that whispers above the wind's cool tickle.

"When I touch you, you don't flinch..." he observes softly, wonderingly.

I look at him confused.  He turns away.  "You know, he seems like a good guy.  Really suited to you.  Has direction."

_Yes, see how I've learned how to love since you.  See how he's ten times the man you'll ever hope to be._

The triumph is not as glorious as hoped.  In fact...if I could have taken back time, I would not have wanted Cedric here for anything.

"Perfect..." I supply.

"Perfect," he repeats.  He looks back at me.  "Nothing less for Quistis."

"Of course not..." I smile teasingly.

We remain silent.  "It wasn't _that_ bad was it?" he asks quietly.

I turn to him.  "What?"

"Being in love with me."

My eyes widen.  "It hurt."

"Not like this..." he says, as he bends down to leave me with the softest, most tender kiss, and walks away from me.

I hear the waves in my head crashing and roaring.  It is painful, and I believe...I feel exactly what he is feeling.  I am about to chase after him, when I hear Cedric.  "There you are."

He comes out to the shore.  "Woah!  It's cold out here!  Come back inside Quistis.  It's warmer there.  I don't want you to catch cold."

I let myself be guided back inside, and Cedric seats me in a chair in the hallway, dismissing my assurances that I am fine, while he goes to the kitchen to find some hot coffee.

I sit back and close my eyes.

_Not like this_.

The thoughts just revolve and revolve until I am dizzy.

"I just don't understand you sometimes, Quistis.  Running out and chasing ghosts at the shore..." Cedric rejoins me with a laugh.

Ghosts...

It's a dream, isn't it?  I turn to let my eyes focus on Cedric.

"You need to take care of yourself, Quistis.  You need someone to take care of you..."

The words trail off and he looks at me tentatively.  For months, words like these had me changing the subject.  I look at him placidly now.

_Not like this_.

_It's a dream.  It was a dream.  He'd never have touched me.  I didn't even flinch.  I hate being touched.  If it were real, I would have flinched._

_Cedric is perfect.  Really suited to me.  Has direction._

"Yes?" I ask him.

"Quistis...marry me.  It's not love, but...Quistis...people like us aren't meant to love."

_We aren't meant to love_.__

_I guess not._

I quelch the tears as I nod my head.

*.*.*.*

To be continued...


	3. Chronicle Three: He said

Author's Note: I feel saddened that this story has ended so quickly!  It has taken a lot out of me to write it and I feel odd that it comes to the end now...so soon.  I hope that the end lives up to the tension my story has appeared to build up.  Thank you so much for all your reviews.  I really appreciate your encouragement.

My next story should be out soon...when my fancy takes me again.  (She's very exhausting, my fancy. =p)

Your servant,

Crysty, who shall finally get a good night's sleep, having finally been set free by the writing gods to return once more to her normal life...=)

Simply Irresistible

Chronicle Three: He Said

By Crysty

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.  They belong to Squaresoft.

Chapter 1: Loveliness

_(one month later)_

I am uncomfortable, and I almost wonder why I even came...until I see her.

She is across the room in conversation with two women.

She is stunning in a ball gown.  Although I have never seen her in one before, she wears it like she's never worn anything else.  Like SeeD uniforms.  I suppose she was born for this sort of thing.  Cool.  Elegant.  Perfect.

She looks up now and meets me eyes.  Her eyes do not sparkle.  They rarely do; I've only seen it once or twice.  They are always the same placid, luminescent violet that always somehow disconcerts me.

There is a soft recognition.  Confusion, but also recognition.  I take it as a good sign and move my way through the crowd of conversation and congenialities.  As I am about to encounter her, though, I see that Laguna gestures towards me.  Duty calls.  She notices, and nods to me in acknowledgement.  _Later_.

"There you are, Seifer.  I was afraid you had decided to bail."

"Thought about it..." I say, truthfully.

I follow Laguna across the brightly lit, ornately decorated ballroom to the familiar face of our host.  "Cedric, I'd like for you to meet my new Secretary of State, Seifer Almasy."

The man does not even recognize me.  My hands clench into fists, but I simply bow in deference.

Quistis is standing a conversation away but looks up at the introduction, observing me curiously.

I look back at her smoothly.

_Secretary of State?_ her eyes seem to ask.

_See how perfect I can be, Quistis?  See how I can look just as presentable as him in a tuxedo?  How I can handle these situations just as professionally?_

Cedric notices that we have her interest, and so he gestures to her.  "Ah, Quistis."

She approaches us, and I can hear her footfall.  My heartbeat echoes it.

"This is my fiancee, Quistis Trepe."

*.*.*.*

I am a fool.

As I stand out on the balcony, I consider the faraway sea.

_Engaged?_

It was a stupid idea anyway.  Did I really think that she was going to wait?

Of course she's engaged.  I practically shoved her at him the last time I talked to her.  He _is_ perfect for her.  I am trying...but...

I hear her footfall behind me.  "Pencil-pushing isn't your style," she observes.  The unspoken question hangs between us: _Why'd you do it, Seifer?_

"It isn't, but it pays the bills.  Besides, I'm surprisingly good at it."  I will not let her know I did this for her.  I will be the same as I always was.

She looks me over.  "I'll bet."  She is quiet for a moment.  After a long, almost spellbindingly perfect moment of silence, I have to look at her.  I have to see if she's really beside me.  She is looking out into the sea.  Wind-kissed wisps of hair are gently falling away from the perfect hairdo, enchantingly framing her flawless, smooth face.  Her dress is embraced and caressed by the wind...there is a hint of wildness to her...Cedric would never own this.

"Do you miss it?"

For a moment, I do not know what she is asking.  At length, I reply.  "Yes, but I have a nice place by the sea.  Got my own sailboat..." _...that I had gotten for us...Here's to the impossible dream,_ I toast the sea, before taking another sip of champagne.  "So...when's the wedding?"

"Two months," she replies.

Silence.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around, Seifer."

"Guess you will."

*.*.*.*

Later that evening, I am surrounded by a small collection of ladies, all showcasing various angles of their décolletages.  I am not paying attention to them at all.

My attention is locked on that one woman across the room who is in happy conversation with her fiance.

I smile charmingly as another woman drawls another compliment.

As one of them utters a stupid silly remark, I laugh politely with the rest.

I see that across the room she is laughing as well, at something that undoubtedly _Cedric the Wit _said.

I see that the laughter does not reach her eyes.

*.*.*.*

I cannot bear to stay.  Not an hour and half after my arrival, I am leaving the party.

I am surprised when she follows me into the cloakroom and shuts the door behind her.

In that single split-second, our eyes meet and the possibilities are endless.  My mind is racing, ten dreams a heartbeat, thirteen sonnets a breath.

"You've got to stop this."

I focus, and look at her.  "What?"

"I don't know what's happened to you, but you don't belong here."

It hurts.  _Yes I do, Quistis.  I belong where you are._

"And you think you do?" I return stiffly, covering my emotion.

She narrows her eyes.  "I am born for this.  People like Cedric and me..."

_Cedric and me..._The words cut into me, and I hate it.  I hate the words.  They are unbearably hot acid in my ears.

I will not let her triumph.  Not anymore.

I look away.  "I've got the picture, you don't have to worry.  Go and marry your Prince Charming."

I take my coat off the rack and walk out into the lonely streets of Deling City.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 2: Loneliness

It is unfair that she is able to affect me...she'd already hurt me so much before.

I cannot help myself.  I have to see her again.

This time, I bring the busty beautiful Talia of the low-cut sparkly dress, my "personal assistant", I say, as I introduce her.

_Take that, Quistis._

Quistis looks her over in disgust, and the disapproval almost hurts me.

But I won't allow it.  I simply smile, and show her how it's like it was before...she doesn't matter to me.  I don't care.

*.*.*.*

Later that night, I am alone in my room.

I sent Talia home in a separate taxi after the ball, disgusted with the situation.

One woman.

I go out and walk along the beach.

No matter what she has done to me, I love her.  I love Quistis Trepe.

She doesn't love me.

The pain...this is something else.

And to know that she had loved me...

...and then let it go...

I hate it.

I growl into the ocean.  "You make no sense!"  Why play this tug of war with sentiments?  Why allow this pain?

I don't get a reply.  Impersonally, the ocean continues to churn, and I fall back into the sand, staring up into the sky into the infinity of stars.

I am alone.

*.*.*.*

I was born to be alone.

Before, I had some disillusion that all SeeD were meant to be alone.  The way we were trained roughened us in ways that made us incompatible with humanity.

But then Squall had found Rinoa.  Selphie had found Irvine.  Even Zell found Mara.

That left Quistis.

And I knew Quistis was a loner.  I knew that though the others had found petty connections, Quistis was something different; Quistis was special, and better.  I'd known that from the first moment I'd met her.

I looked to her as my guide.  People like Quistis and me were loners, and were too awkward for relationships, and too cold for feelings.

Sentiments.

But then _Quistis _let me down.

Quistis fell in love...with me.

_I was lovable at one point._

_She had loved me._

I lost her though.  And now that I know I am capable of love, my heart feels so big...

...and yet, so empty.

Solitude does not carry that same ring it did when I was younger.  It does not carry that same excitement and possibilities that the single, bohemian life had to offer.

I am old.

I am changed.

I am alone...and lonely.

*.*.*.*

The wedding invitation came in the mail today.

I get a paper cut while opening the envelope.  The words are written in silver ink across the perfect crisp white paper.

_Cedric Halliwell and Quistis Trepe request your presence..._

What was this, some kind of cruel joke?  A nail to my coffin?

_She is unaware of my misery._

_Well maybe it's time that she knew!_

I pick up the phone.  "Book me on a flight to Dollet.  I'm going out of town this weekend."

*.*.*.*

Chapter 3: Longing

I find her alone in her apartment.

She is dressed up to the nines, looking as smooth as she always does, and she looks at my rumpled garb with astonishment...and disgust.

_Cedric would never show up like this_...Strike one for Seifer.

I am somewhat embarrassed but I will not be thus thwarted.  "Can I come in?" I ask.

She nods her head.  "He'll be here in half an hour..."

"More than enough time."  I enter.  I pace.  I try to gather my thoughts but they're too fast.

"Can we please get to the point?" she asks impatiently.

"Why did you send me the invitation?" I blurt out.  I look at her frankly, forwardly now, letting her see my eyes full of all the pain she has caused me.  "You told me to stop this, to stay away, and yet you sent me that invitation..."

"I don't know what you're..."

"The hell you don't know!" I shout.

"I don't!" she cries out.  "I've been going out of my mind trying to understand you, Seifer!  I don't know what the hell makes you do the things you do!  The minute I think you make some semblance of sense in my mind, you go and do something stupid like become the Secretary of State!"

_Stupid?_

"There was only one thing you ever needed to know." I retort quietly, finding the pattern of the rug fascinating.

"What, then?!"  She asks exasperatedly.

"Everything I do...I do because of you," I say, now looking up, meeting her gaze.

She is speechless.  She has to sit down.  She collapses onto the couch.

I come to kneel before her, trying to get her to look at me.  She does not.  "I know now that I love you...I didn't always love you..." I say softly.  "When you told me...I didn't love you then...not really.  I guess I did but I didn't know it.  Quistis, we have been emotionally tied from the moment you looked at me that first day in the classroom..."

She does not say a word.

"I...did everything for you, you know.  Even when I hated you, I did everything out of contempt for you...it was always you..." I say softly, almost resentfully.

She meets my eyes now, in confusion.

"I see now that you've moved on, but Quistis I cannot.  I know you think that once you've learned how to love, you can learn to love others, but trust me, I cannot.  I can love only you.  You and me, we're the same kind of people."

"People like me and Ced—" she tries to interject.

"People like _me and you_, we walk through life, not participating, always waiting and assessing, so that when we find that one person, we can do it the right way.  We hate making mistakes so we're defensive...but that was what got us all wrong in the first place."

She opens her mouth in protest.  I have to continue before I lose courage.

"Don't marry Cedric...he's not for you.  He's not the loving kind.  You need to be loved.  And you need to love.  You...you don't love him.  You loved me.  You still do...don't say its too late...because as far as I see it, it's never too late...not with you...not with us.  It's the perfect time."

She stands up now, looking me straight in the eye, so that she won't be misunderstood.  "It is _not_ the perfect time.  Seifer, I've _started _my new life, I'm _learning _to love Cedric, and you _have _to move on.  You don't think you can love after me, but you can.  There are so many possibilities..."

"Not without you..." I say softly, gravely.

"Without me.  Don't you see?  We always end up hurting each other...it would be a mistake.  I can't afford to and I _won't _love you anymore.  Your love won't be enough."

She is certain and steady in her declaration.  I cannot shake her.

*.*.*.*

I painfully notice the sunlight coming through the window shade, and I very reluctantly acknowledge that the new day is here.  I don't have to check the calendar to know what day it is.

_September 1._

She's getting married today.

She claims that I will move on.

I cannot.

I was meant to love only her.

_I won't love you anymore_. 

Feelings of disappointment come over me, and I retreat to my sleep once more.  I hope...perhaps I can find her there.

*.*.*.*

Chapter 4:Love

_(a few days later)_

"Just be sure to arrive early," Laguna tells me.

"Got it."

"Dammit but I hate these things," he mutters.

Tonight's the inauguration for his fourth term.  I assure him I will attend, and hang up.

Now I'm sitting at my desk, tapping my pen mindlessly against the wood.  Trying not to think.  At all.

I should leave this stupid business.  There is no reason whatsoever to stick around.

"Um...Mr. Almasy?" The receptionist is scared of me now.  

"Yes, Gretchen?" I say impatiently into the intercom.

"The personnel department has sent you a new personal assistant.  She'll be up to see you in 5 minutes."

"All right then."

I pick up the _Times_, dreading to read it.  I do not want to read about her wedding.  I am not ready to.  I don't think I will ever be.

I hate this world.

Telling myself that I'm being a ridiculous lovesick idiot, and that I managed to survive perfectly fine being alone before, I force myself to read the paper.  In fact, I scan for her name.  I'll read the damn article.  I'll read the whole damn paper, and I won't let it hurt me!

In shock, I read the headline, "Mayor Trepe resigns"

The bastard made her quit her job?  She can't be a homemaker!

I scan the article.

_"The young Trepe threw caution and roses into the wind last Sunday when she ran from the church, leaving President Halliwell in such a state at the altar..._

_"...The letter of resignation was discovered on her desk on Monday morning, in which she professed that 'Dollet isn't my home'..._

_"...The runaway mayor's whereabouts are still unknown, but her friends confirm that she is the picture of health..."_

I put down the paper, and pick up the phone.  "Gretchen, get me Squall Leonheart."

I wait impatiently as the other end rings, as I scan the article once more...perhaps I missed something?

"Leonheart?" he answers.

"Have you seen the paper?"

"Yeah...quite a piece, huh?  Halliwell is reeling with confusion," he laughs.

"Is she all right?  Where is she?"

"She's fine.  She just called an hour ago."

"Did she say where she was?"

"Yeah, but..."

There is a knock at the door.

Annoyed, I almost growl.  "There's someone here right now.  I have to deal with this, and then I'm going to call you back, and you're going to tell me exactly what she said to you, because if he hurt her, Hyne help him he's going to hear from me," I slam down the phone.  "Come in," I say menacingly at the door.

_The personnel department has sent you a new personal assistant.  _The woman is mostly leg.  She is in a short tight black ensemble that some fashion designer has deigned to call a suit.

"Bad timing?"

I'd know that voice anywhere.

I can't move.  I can't do a thing.

Quistis enters the office, and with a sexy catwalk, strides across the floor to stand in front of my desk.  She's smiling in a way I've never seen her smile before.

I'm speechless.

"This is their usual sort of uniform isn't it?" she adjusts her suit.  _Don't adjust that!_  _Oh my..._  Hyne, she wasn't wearing a blouse underneath!

A punch to my gut for her appearance.  Another for her actions.  By the end of this encounter, I will be unconscious on the floor, and I will wake up alone, and miserable.

"I take it from your expression that I look great," she muses.

I feel like an awkward adolescent, crawling for words.  "W-W-What are you doing here?"

"I heard you fired Krystle.  I thought I'd help you out."

_What the hell is that supposed to mean?_  I'm trying to organize my thoughts.  But they just cycle.  _She's here.  What's she doing here?  Is she happy?  Does she look happy?  Why would she be happy?  _"...What about Dollet?" I manage to ask at length.

"I got bored."

I turn away.  I have to collect my wits before I lose everything.

She clears her throat, but her next words are still raspy.  She won't let me pull myself together...I can already see it.  She wants to leave me absolutely defenseless, doesn't she?  She wants to destroy me.  "Aren't you going to sit me down and test my skills?"

"As WHAT?"

"I think the term you use is 'personal assistant'," she says, as she smiles knowingly.  "But you can call me whatever you want."

I calm myself by getting up on my shaky legs, walking around to the bar, and pouring myself a glass of water.  "Would you like some?  It's hot in government buildings now, but I suppose you already know that, having worked in one before..."

I knock over the glass when her hands creep up behind my back, and reach around my waist.  She leans her cheek on my back.  Hyne...this feels heavenly.  "Kiss me."  It's just above a whisper, and her full moist lips brush against the shell of my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

I breathe in deeply.  This has got to be some sick joke.  Or some cruel, cruel dream.

She's leaning back against the counter now, looking at me straight in the eye and I know I've got the look of a deer in headlights.

"But—"

It's all she lets me utter before she grabs me by the tie, yanks me closer to her, and captures my lips in a hungry, voracious, clean-my-guts-out kiss.  Her arms come around me, and I feel entirely wrapped up in her.  The feeling is quick, explosive, colorful.  I can feel my control slipping and I am about to respond...

"Mr. Almasy...oh!"  Gretchen blushes and makes a quick exit, but not without a second assessing look at Quistis.

The interruption is just what I need to get some distance between us, and control over the situation.  I push her away.

Her words are sinking into my mind now, and slowly being processed.

_She's not married._

_She's left Dollet._

_She's here now._

_She wants to be my personal assistant._

_And she's just kissed me._

_Oh Hyne, the possibilities..._

Unsure of how to proceed, I stay on a safe topic.  I will not give until I know how this will play out, though I am starting to think that maybe there's some hope after all.

"Personal assistant, huh?" I muse, trying to sound indifferent.

She shrugs.  "Gotta start somewhere."

"I'm very picky about my personal assistants.  I've been through _six_ since I've started."

"I know, but you haven't had me," she replies arrogantly, taking her seat.

I walk around the desk, and take mine.

"...I have a short temper," I say.

"I'm patient," she shoots back.

"I talk uncommonly quickly."

"I type 50 words a minute," she returns.

"I travel a lot."

"I pack light."

"I work late."

"I'm nocturnal."

Silence.  She smiles at me triumphantly.

"No," I reply at length.

I can see her surprised hurt and injured pride.  She's getting up now, and clearing her throat.  "I understand."

I don't think she does.

She's going to make her dignified exit now, the way she's always done before, countless times.  

NOT THIS TIME.

I quickly get in her way, and take off the necklace I've been wearing since finding out she was engaged.  I take the ring off the chain and give it to its rightful owner.  "I bought this when I became Secretary of State..." I say, tentatively.  I clear my throat uncomfortably.  "Um...there's another position I'd like you to take on..."

"Oh?"

Her eyes are so beautiful that I almost can't get the words out.  "Marry me?"

She smiles wryly.  "I cook with lots of curry..." she warns.

"I like spicy food," I smile warmly.

"I steal the covers at night," the smile is starting to rise in her eyes.

"You won't when I hold you close to me," my arms start to come around her.

"I pick fights..." she says, no argument at all in her voice.

"I pick you..." I return.  _I love you.  Only you._

The unspoken words hang between us, tangible.

"Yes."

The word is so light and feathery, it floats.  So does my heart.

*.*.*.*

"The inauguration of Laguna Liore in his fourth term as President of Esthar took place this early evening on the steps of the Esthar Palace.  Witnesses included his son, the venerable Squall Leonheart, President of SeeD; Leonheart's wife, Senator Rinoa Heartilly-Leonheart; and friends Headmasters Irvine and Selphie Kinneas from Trabia Garden; and Headmasters Zell and Mara Dincht from Balamb Garden.  There was a marked absence however, of the Secretary of State Seifer Almasy..."

*.*.*.*

Epilogue

_(many years later)_

Getting home from the office, I call out her name, but she does not answer.

I can't find her anywhere in the house, so I look outside.

I should have known she'd be out here.

"There you are," I take her into my arms.  She is asleep, and her face is just a little dusty with sand.  I brush it away gently and kiss her on the forehead.  The setting sun's rays tangle in her blond hair, tracing her perfect profile.

"I thought I'd find you two out here."

I look up.

Quistis, _my wife of twenty years_, smiles at me, looking quite rumpled after a long day's work.

I look up at my exquisite, perfect wife, and look back down at our lovely daughter.  "She fell asleep, I guess."

Seventeen years old, but still, she sleeps as peacefully as a child, dreaming by the sea.

She loves the sea because her mother and father love it.  Her father and mother dreamt by it...and still do.

"Keep dreaming," I say softy, kissing her forehead.  Quistis sits down next to me, and puts her hand in mine, and leans her head on my shoulder.

Her head fits perfectly against me, and our hands entwine without a thought or effort.  I absently play with the band on her ring finger.  Looking at it now, even worn all these years, it still sparkles like new with promise and love.  "I love you," I whisper to her.

"I know...I love you too," she whispers back, as she strokes our daughter's golden hair.

The words still fill my heart up with warmth until I am sure it will burst.  It never changes; it is as if I am hearing it for the first time every time she tells me so.

We sit and dream together, watching the sunset, enjoying the now...anticipating the later.

The possibilities are endless, and with Quistis by my side...well, they're simply irresistible.

The End


End file.
